October 25, 2011

Can penguin sweaters lower their population?

Photos: ABC News

I can easily say I've loved penguins for years now (some people think it's an unhealthy obsession, meh). The thought of these little penguinos running around in different colored knit sweaters makes me just want two so badly! I'm jealous of whoever got to dress them. Yes these photos are real. My main concern though is if these sweaters are healthy for their love lives. As you probably know, penguins are notorious for being picky with their intense soulmate search. Adding fashion to their lives could just really complicate the process.   

Why have they started wearing sweaters? It all started after the recent oil spill off the coast of New Zealand when some of these pingus got coated in the oil. Luckily, a lot of them were saved because so many generous people sent over knitted sweaters just in time. There were even guidelines on how to knit them! [skeinz]

However, what people didn't take into consideration is that penguins have different figures. Evidently, some are fatter than others! The one above in green clearly loves her food and looks like she has a double chin (I highly doubt it's a thyroid problem) so her sweater needs to be looser. It's a shame for her, because her dude's eye is probably already wondering.

Moreover, despite the fact that the penguins to the right would be ideal on the cover of a Nicholas Sparks novel at a glance, the penguin in blue looks like he's destroyed by the sweater. They're clearly on a date that she's dressed sharply for, while he's probably sweating buckets under there. She looks pretty pallid and constipated about it. You can tell she's doubting his fashion sense.. and in turn him. Then you have the poor guy who is so naive; comfortably certain that he found the mother of his children.

You see, penguins can be rather shallow pricks; just like us, YAY! The beauty of their romance is that they meet their loves in their own natural skin, and love them for who they are unconditionally. This whole sweater business will make courting much more challenging. As if the men don't have it hard enough to please their woman, they'll all start to judge each other more, and it will take it's toll on reproduction. It'll only be after a lot of trial and error that they'll begin to "look within" blah, blah, blah.

So while I'm so happy they got saved from the harsh winter and nasty oil, I'm not sure I like the idea of the different colored sweaters that don't flatter some of them. That my friends is how introducing sweaters to penguins can potentially destroy their romance, and in turn affect their population.

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