December 1, 2009

Opposite Sex Friendship, a Myth?

I’ve been asking this question for a while and thought I’d share some views on it. The question at hand: can boys and girls be just friends?

It’s something to think about because I keep getting different responses. I have personally always gotten along well with boys and find that hanging out with them can be so drama free. I know I speak on behalf of many girls when I say that. The thing is, is it possible to keep these friendships with guys completely plutonic? Also, if a boy is nice to a girl does it automatically mean he’s interested in more than a friendship? If a boy is friendly to a girl, how is she supposed to know if he wants to hang out and appreciates her friendship or if he has other intentions?

If in fact she starts assuming he has other intentions but nothing has been said, how does she let him know she's not interested in a discreet way just to avoid any awkward moments? It would be nice if a code existed that you could mention to let someone know from the start if it’s a yay or a nay.

There have been times when I’ve enjoyed a boy’s company and have made every imaginable comment that I’m not interested in a relationship with him, like “I’m not interested in anyone right now,” or “I’m at a place in life where I want to be single,” and the boy will still hang around. This gives me the impression he realizes our relationship is not swaying in that direction and that he genuinely wants me as a friend. Suddenly though, he’ll just stop talking to me, in which case I’ll assume he thought there was hope then realized it wasn’t going to happen and decided not to waste his time. Of course by the end of this I end up being the rude unworthy one (not sure how that happened when I made myself clear).

This is too frustrating… is that the only reason boys will go out of their way to be friendly with a girl? If a guy is friendly should we assume otherwise and not waste any of our time making a friend then losing him if we aren’t interested in him? What is the best way to let a boy know you’re not interested but that you enjoy his company and that he honestly shouldn’t be hopeful because it ain’t happening? Is there even a way or can we just not be friends?

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