June 13, 2011

What type of bad kisser are you?

Thanks to Matthew Inman, I found this great post on types of bad kissers. This is really an important and educational read because to those of you who watch the MTV Movie Awards for Best Kiss and can't remember your last kiss, I feel bad for you. You most likely fall into one of the following categories... 

Please don't kiss someone if you've just eaten garlic, onions, expired milk, most types of cheese, curry, actually all heavily spiced foods... it's offensive.

Sticking your tongue in someones mouth to hang out lifelessly is not normal, don't do it. It's actually pretty disgusting when we start analyzing the muscle that's starting to feel like a slug inside our mouth. 

Tongue depressors are the only instruments meant to make us gag. Etiquette applies to your tongue too, which shouldn't be stuck down someone's throat or in anyones nose or eye, or lathering anyone's chin or the space between the mouth and nose. That just stinks.  Live your nasty puppy fantasy on a spoon of Nutella, and in your closet with the lights off so not even flies can see. 

So... do you lose track of time or are you that boring or are you [insert really annoying quality here]. Checking in might be a good idea.Your smooch partner most likely hates you, definitely had 3 - 4 nightmares about you, and probably wants to cry. 

I'm sorry you just don't get it...

This vampire action is uncomfortable and scary. And that's being nice. 

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